I’ve been called a c*** for cutting people out of my life. While I understand the initial outrage that can be felt, I don’t think ending a friendship or a relationship is the worst thing in the world. It’s normal to outgrow certain people and situations. Hell yeah I’ve distanced myself from people who began to drain my energy or were low key haters. Things in life aren’t meant to last forever. The utter truth is that sometimes your frequency no longer matches up with someone. This can happen over time naturally or with big life changes. From personal experience, big life changes such as breakups, new jobs, phases and growth have shifted certain friendship dynamics. A sudden life changing event can really reveal true colors and put someone you thought you knew, into a whole new light. When I broke up with a long term boyfriend of six years, certain people invested in this friend dynamic weren’t able to accept the situation and adapt. I no longer felt accepted, but instead judged based on my relation to someone else and my decision for ending it. Me as a whole, wasn’t enough for certain people to accept. So I cut all ties. Friends who can’t adapt to new situations or appreciate the essence of you - have got to go.
Pay attention, sis - energy doesn’t lie. Learn how to observe your thoughts and feelings.If someone or something is constantly giving you that deep gut wrenching feeling, then it’s not good for your soul. I’ve been there, many times. As I’ve gotten older and experienced that deep pitted feeling in my stomach, I now recognize that bitch as a warning sign. I’ve felt it with job situations, past relationships with exes and other moments of deep vulnerability. It will suck your soul and consume your thoughts.
What happens when a bad habit or situation is replayed one too many times and it slowly morphs into a new norm? It then just becomes a habit, not even labeled as ‘bad’ anymore. But for those who are not quote on quote, woke, a bad behavior can easily become a new norm. I think this is why people find it so hard to let things or people go. If you’ve indulged in it a thousand times over, it now becomes comfy, something familiar. It becomes so ingrained in you, that the thought of breaking free, actually is scary. I ‘dated’ someone for a year and a half, who refused to commit and wouldn’t even say ‘I love you’ back. But when you are in it, you can’t always see clearly. Eventually, there’s a breaking point and you simply run out of fuel. In hindsight, that situationship was an emotional rollercoaster, I never want to be on again. I firmly believe that we need to cut the dead weight that may be dragging us down, in order to feel and see the light. Once you muster up the courage to do so, that dead weight will be lifted and you’ll feel the light actually radiating on your skin.
The good news is, you have more control over your situation than you thought. Most of the time we feel attached because of time invested in something or someone. It’s never too late to prioritize your well being. I don’t regret any of my past relationships, friendships or situationships that I’ve been in. In fact, I often like to think about the good memories that were created during those times in my life. I believe it’s important to acknowledge that those memories were real as fuck and will always remain in the past; acknowledge in order to let go.